life

Thoughts on Change

Change. It can happen in the blink of an eye or slowly over time. It’s inescapable. It’s woven into the inner most parts of our being. From the time we are conceived to the time we die, we will go through innumerable changes. We change physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Our ideas change, our desires change, our tastes change… the list goes on and on. The reality is, life is filled with change.

So why then, does change scare us so much?

The way I see it, the problem with change is that we can’t predict it. Sure, there are warning signs. But often times, we wake up and hardly recognize our own lives. Change is beyond our control.

Change scares us when we find ourselves living a life we never imagined. Change leaves us in an unfamiliar place and that place can be incredibly daunting.

A year ago, my boyfriend and I broke up after years of dating. My life changed despite my every effort to escape it. Suddenly the future I was working towards was completely shattered and I was left trying to piece my life back together. I found myself struggling in the middle of a vast ocean without any signs that the storm would pass.

Going through such a huge change wasn’t easy. For a long time I tried with all my might to resist the change. I was digging my heels into the ground and stubbornly wallowing in self-pity. There came a point where I couldn’t keep fighting the past. It was exhausting. I had to stop. The truth is, change is painful, but there’s nothing worse than staying stuck in that pain. I needed a major attitude adjustment.

In the wise words of Socrates, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” This past year, I’ve learned that the less I try to resist change, the easier it is to cope with it. I discovered that the circumstances in my life were beyond my control and had already changed. Moving forward, I could only control the outlook I had on my life in the midst of all the change. When I stopped resisting, it was as if suddenly the sea that I was fighting to stay afloat in became calmer waters. I found that my resistance had intensified the pain I was experiencing. Once I stopped fighting the waves of change, I felt more at peace. My situation wasn’t any different, but I had adjusted my mindset.

I began to recognize that not only was the course of my life changing, but I too was changing. I was no longer the person I was before my relationship or even during my relationship. I had gone through the biggest change of my life. I had to learn how to heal, how to be strong, and how to overcome. I had to discover who I was aside from my relationship. I realized that there was no way for me to become a more authentic version of myself without change. I began to understand that without change, there is no growth. My mindset had shifted from fighting the past, to shaping my future. I had a choice in who I would become.

I think butterflies are one of God’s sweetest reminders of change. Butterflies are proof that you can go through a period of darkness and still be transformed into something beautiful. Despite the painful storms of change that I have experienced, it has been a privilege to be able to grow into who I am today. I’m by no means perfect and my journey is far from over, but I can say without a doubt that the changes I have experienced have helped mold me and shape me into a truer version of myself. I couldn’t have predicted who I would become and I never thought that I would be able to move past all of the hurt. But here I am, learning to live life through all the changes. God has been with me every step of the way. That is a beautiful thing.


“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

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Sharing My Story

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When I was growing up, I imagined adult life as a checklist of events. Go to a good college. Date the love of your life. Graduate college. Get a job. Get married. Start a family. Then BAM the perfect life ensues.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it doesn’t quite work that way. Life happens. You don’t get the job you thought you wanted. You break up with the person you thought was “the one”. You start to watch everyone else around you check off their lists. But what about yours?

I started to spiral into a place of bitterness and resentment when I began to think that other people’s stories were so much better than mine. I began to envy those who had what I wanted. I would stalk Facebook and Instagram for hours watching other people live their lives through pictures and posts. I wanted pieces of what they had. I felt incomplete. I felt like I wasn’t enough. I felt like I wasn’t living my life.

I had made a timeline for myself. I thought that if things I desired didn’t happened by a certain point, that something was terribly wrong with me. I had set myself up for failure. I had created expectations, and when those expectations weren’t met, I was faced with deep disappointment.

Then one day I began to realize that maybe things haven’t happened the way I thought they should for a reason. Could it be, that the God of the Universe has something else planned? Could it be, that God actually has a plan for my life that is so much more than I could have ever imagined? Could it be, that I don’t actually have it all figured out? And maybe, just maybe, that’s okay?

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point—the point of knowing and understanding that God has given me a unique story. I’ve come to realize that life is so much more than my checklist. It’s so much more than the best moments that are shared on social media.  Life is a collection of our ups and downs, the mountain highs and the valley lows.

I believe that we are created with a purpose. I believe God puts us on different paths in our lives to teach us and give us wisdom to share. I don’t know what the future holds. But what I do know is I want to start sharing my story. I want to share the unedited and messy version of my life. I don’t want to just share my checklist or my greatest achievements or my best moments. I want to be real and raw. I want to start living my life completely—completely in Christ, completely in the good moments, and completely in the hard times.

I want to embrace this life I’ve been given. Join me. Let’s start to celebrate our successes, our failures, and all the moments in between.