I know you’re devastated. You are about to go through one of the biggest changes of your life. You are going to try to resist it with everything in you, but it’s going to happen. You can’t escape this.
You are going to be scared. You will be scared of what your life will look like not loving him. You will be scared of losing that feeling he gave you and everything that you built up together. There is so much history behind your love, admiration, and friendship with him. You will be afraid of letting all that slip through your fingers. The thought of being strangers and living life separate from one another is unbearable.
You are going to keep denying it. You’ll look for any reason to hold on to the hope that things might not really be changing. You’ll replay your relationship in your mind over and over and over again, searching for answers. You’ll wonder if there was anything you could have done differently. You’ll begin to think maybe this was all just a big misunderstanding. You will avoid feeling any emotion, attempting to hold on to what once was. You are going to convince yourself that this is just another thing you two have to get through. You will avoid letting go, because letting go means moving forward, and you’re not ready for that. You’ll live in this place for a while.
You are going to become angry. Angry about what happened. Angry about what didn’t happen. Angry about what could have happened. In your anger you will question everything. Why didn’t he fight for you? Why didn’t he want you? Why would he want to live his life without you? You’ll be angry because it feels like your love for him wasn’t enough. You were supposed to be together. He loved you. So why did he give up? It will feel begin to feel like this was his choice, not yours. You will be angry that things didn’t turn out the way you had hoped.
You are going to be sad. Every time you think about not being with him your heart will stop for a moment and waves of emotion will overcome you. You will cry, oh sweet girl you will cry—more than you ever thought you could. You will feel emptiness in the pit of your stomach each time your thoughts stop on a memory, a moment, a conversation, a laugh, a smile. You will become familiar with that shivering feeling that overwhelms a broken heart every time you unexpectedly hear a song that reminds you of him, or stumble across a photo, or read an old card. Your whole being will ache in your sorrow.
You are going to miss him. You are going to want him despite knowing you can’t have him. You’ll feel frustrated in your longing. Even though loved ones surround you, you will be lonely. A huge piece of you is missing. You’ll find little remnants of him scattered throughout your day and healing from all this will seem impossible. You’ll wish you could share your life with him—things that make you laugh, little annoyances, things that remind you of him, things that only he would appreciate. You’ll desperately want it to be back to normal. You’ll want to ask him about how he’s doing, but you can’t. You’ll want to call him about your day, but you won’t. You’ll have to learn to live your life independent from him.
It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt much more than you think you can handle. You will feel like you failed him and your relationship. It will hurt knowing that you were willing to do anything and everything to be with him and make things work. But it wasn’t enough. It will be hard to accept that.
You are going to feel alone. You’ll feel like no one else has experienced the pain that you’re feeling. You’ll feel like no one truly understands and you’ll feel bad for talking about your continuous struggles. Don’t let those doubts stop you from sharing your thoughts and feelings. Each time you work through your emotions with those closest to you, you’re allowing yourself to process and heal.
You are going to learn. You are going to learn to let go and to let yourself be free to feel every emotion, to truly allow yourself the grace to just be. Some days you won’t feel anything. Other days you’ll feel more than you can bear. You’re going to have good days and bad days. You’re going to learn about yourself—about who you used to be, who you are, and who you want to become.
You are going to grow. You’re going to grow immensely in your faith because that is the only constant that you can truly cling to. Your faith in God’s promises will multiply as you start to embrace the truth of His hope more and more.
You will continue to feel. The pain and the sadness will begin to lessen with the passing of time, but there will still be moments. There will be moments when it hits you all at once and you’re brought immediately back into your memories. Don’t be scared of those moments because they are a reminder that he was important and he will hold a piece of your heart forever. Allow yourself to face the emotions that come in those moments.
Keep taking care of yourself, brave one. This is a process and it takes time. It seems never-ending now, but someday you will be on the other side of it. When that day comes, you will be grateful for the journey. Through all this, you are becoming stronger and more resilient. You are being refined and you are growing. Embrace this season. I know it’s hard, but don’t lose hope.
Don’t stop doing the things you love. Go outside, explore, go on an adventure, travel, eat good food, sip good wine, read a book, dance, laugh with friends—these are all things that will make you feel like you again. Feel your emotions as they come, but don’t get stuck in them. You are still living and breathing. Keep making the most of this crazy, beautiful life of yours.
Always, always remember you are going to be okay. It’s going to be scary. It’s going to hurt a lot. It’s going to be sad. But you will be okay. You will always be okay.